Invisible Walls

Go a week without.

I think I’ll be able to do it. Maybe even more. It’s possible as long as I put my mind to it. Sacrifice.

The more I think about it

I’m a person who shy’s away from talking about her feelings, but inside I’m just waiting for someone to ask me how I’m feeling so that I could tell them everything. But every time I’m given the chance to tell my life story, I turn around and walk back because I don’t want to know what others will think about me. I’m not much of a strong person, and I’m not emotionally stable because I break down really easily. So what exactly am I when words hurt more than anything, when facing failures brings me to suicide, when I can’t stand jealousy, and when I can’t understand myself. I guess it’s pretty normal now that I’ve said it. Everybody faces these challenges. I might seem strong on the outside, but inside I’m just a kid who lost her parents while walking with them. People can disappear in an instant can’t they?

I’m a needy person, but I push all those who offer to help away. I’ll never understand why I do that when I need someone the most. I like to be independent so that when someone walks out of my life, I won’t go crashing down. But I guess in the end, I resort to someone to help me, but it doesn’t work that way. I need a person I can look up to. A person that I know will guide me to new heights. A person who’s willing to step down to pull me up. And at the moment there hasn’t been a person who’s done that. Whether they’ve attempted and failed, I’m still in the same place.

I need a person to look up to. Not a person that I would be jealous of, but a person who’s better than me, but willing to take a walk with me. That’s the type person I need in my life in order to become successful and to pursue the goal of happiness. A person who encourages me to never give up even when I’m on the brink of losing it, a person who knows my limits but still pushes me to reach farther. A person who sets higher goals for me when I can barely pass one barrier. I need a friend who won’t let me give up, someone who won’t give up on me. So where is this role model that I need in life…? I have yet to find that person, hopefully I’ll find them soon so I can get moving. I guess I just have to pick myself up and walk the miles to the future. 

I just want to be great at something.

But I guess that’s too much to ask for.

I could use somebody.

The higher you are the harder you fall.

Please understand

More of a Pessimist

As much as I appreciate the truth, it hurts to know how I’m not doing as well as others. When people tell me things that I should fix in my life, I’m not encouraged by it, in fact I feel more devastated that I have a problem in my life and feel like giving up.

Gives me the feeling of being sick to the stomach.